Several times in my career I have benefited from direct reports who were willing to share feedback that enhanced my self-awareness and ability to adapt to their needs. Fortunately, these individuals felt safe doing so. They trusted that I would be open to their feedback and willing to act on it. When I reflect on how that trust was built, I come back to a lesson I learned from some of my favorite supervisors who did it well. What they did was to value my contributions and show it. They may have stopped to thank me as they walked out the door on a night I worked late. Or, they may have selected me for a stretch assignment that would allow me to grow. In these cases I sensed that these supervisors valued me and wanted me to succeed. They fostered a climate of trust in which I could share my ideas and feedback without fear. We need feedback to help us and our organizations grow, but we will never get it if we do not build a trusting environment in our places of work.
When our beloved dog, Skipper, passed away recently, a kind neighbor shared a perspective from a young child who had lost his family dog after what seems to humans to be a short life. The child shared what he had learned from a teacher: Our purpose on earth is to become a good person, and it takes a life time for us to do that. However, the child said, “Dogs are born good, so they do not have to live as long.” We appreciate the time we had with Skipper and thank him for inspiring us to keep becoming good.
Have you ever reflected on what you would do if you could create your ideal day? Recently, as I was waiting for an appointment, I decided to see if I could list 10 activities that would create an ideal day for me. Here they are:
- Wake up naturally.
- Have coffee and a nutricious breakfast; read the paper.
- Take a walk with my husband in nice weather; do my strength exercises.
- Solve a puzzle or a problem.
- Help a coaching client move forward.
- Meet a dear friend for a light lunch.
- Experience something new.
- Visit with a close family member.
- Have a delicious and healthy dinner with my husband.
- Go dancing my husband and friends.
One of my young relatives is about to start his first full-time job after his college graduation. In getting established, he has already made one smart financial decision - sharing an apartment with a roommate. To see other tips for new college graduates, here is a good online article:
http://moneysmartlife.com/money-tips-for-new-college-graduates-spending-saving-budgeting-advice/
At times we may find it difficult to discern the value of certain experiences that we have, some of which may be unpleasant or worse. Recently I was reading an excerpt from the June 2010 issue of O magazine, in which Oprah writes that she knows “for sure that all experiences have value and meaning…and contribute to who we’re meant to be.”
Oprah’s belief resonated with me as I reflected on my life and how my journey has had its ups and downs, its twists and turns. As I talk with others and learn their stories, I continue to see evidence of what Oprah is saying. We cannot control what happens in our lives, but we can control how we respond, what we learn, and how we grow.
Not long ago my husband and I started snacking on almonds (nuts that have healthy fats). We have found they satisfy our hunger so we do not overeat later.
Dr. Mehmet Oz has spoken about healthy nuts and NUTs - nagging unfinished tasks. These nuts are a major stressor for many people. How do you deal with those nuts? As a start, block time on your calendar to tackle 1 NUT each week. Once you start seeing progress, that success will help energize you to continue. See how you feel after just 3 weeks!
I recently read about a study linking smiling to longer lives. Researchers at Wayne State University in Detroit, Michigan analyzed the smiles in facial photos of professional baseball players to see if the ones with the largest smiles tended to live longer. The study also took into account other factors that promote longevity. The results indicated a positive connection between large smiles and longer lives. The authors of the study say that their research supports the notion that smiling reflects positive emotion, which has been linked to physical and mental well-being.
The study was published in Psychological Science. Shari Roan reported on the study in the Los Angeles Times, and the St. Louis Post-Dispatch reprinted Roan’s article on April 1, 2101.
I had the pleasure of speaking with a group of bright, engaging women recently on the topic of business etiquette (Altrusa International of St. Louis Chapter). In preparation for this evening I found a good resource (Business Etiquette - 101 Ways to Conduct Business with Charm and Savvy, by Ann Marie Sabath). Sabath suggests, and I agree, that the bottom line or overarching guideline in terms of business etiquette is to make the people with whom you interact feel like the most important people in the world.
This guideline reminded me of a time my husband and I dined at Tony’s restaurant in St. Louis. When we entered the restaurant we gave our last name to wait for a table. (At the time Tony’s did not take reservations.) As we waited for our turn I noticed that parties were being graciously escorted to their tables without any names called out. When it was our turn a staff member found us, greeted us by name, and warmly showed us our table. Throughout the evening we never had to ask for anything, yet we never felt overwhelmed by the attention. When it was time to leave (hours later), the maitre d’ said, “Good night, Mr. and Mrs. Day.” We departed amazed that he knew our names and definitely felt among the most important people in the world.
In a mid-year commencement speech, SLU Finance Professor Neil Seitz, Ph.D. outlined a map for achieving freedom from financial worries. His map starts with acknowledging that we cannot earn our way to freedom since more money usually results in more spending (at least in the US culture). Dr. Seitz decided to try to change his own behavior by not adding to “his stuff” for one year. He bought necessities (food and supplies like soap, plus items that wore out like an air conditioner). After his year of not buying he had an urge to buy nothing. He believes he proved that we achieve freedom by managing our wants. The choice not to buy gives us that freedom.
To get started, Dr. Seitz encourages us to eliminate financial stress by living “behind the curve,” which is living on 90% of our income. Setting aside that 10% creates habits that can grow stronger with time. Why not try it this month and see how you feel? My guess is you will feel more in control…more free.
Recently I read an essay in the Miamian (Winter 2010), which had been reprinted with permission from the New York Times (7/26/09). The essay was written by Tierionna Morris, a student soon to graduate from Miami University (Ohio). Tierionna’s essay touched me because she shared how a couple of her professors reached out to her with generosity and care. They wanted to see her succeed. This intervention came at a critical time for Tierionna since she was running out of funds to finish college.
After taking Tierionna to dinner one evening, one of the professors handed her $200 and told her, “If you need anything at all just let us know.” He and the other professor did not want to lose Tierionna; they wanted to see her graduate and fulfill her dream of becoming a teacher.
Tierionna has now successfully completed her student teaching and plans for a career in Chicago teaching in the public schools. She reflects on how her professors believed in her and envisioned she would “pay everything back to her students.” It sounds like Tierionna is well on her way to doing that.