Coach Kathy Day

In a mid-year commencement speech, SLU Finance Professor Neil Seitz, Ph.D. outlined a map for achieving freedom from financial worries.  His map starts with acknowledging that we cannot earn our way to freedom since more money usually results in more spending (at least in the US culture).  Dr. Seitz decided to try to change his own behavior by not adding to “his stuff” for one year.  He bought necessities (food and supplies like soap, plus items that wore out like an air conditioner).  After his year of not buying he had an urge to buy nothing.  He believes he proved that we achieve freedom by managing our wants.  The choice not to buy gives us that freedom.

To get started, Dr. Seitz encourages us to eliminate financial stress by living “behind the curve,” which is living on 90% of our income.  Setting aside that 10% creates habits that can grow stronger with time.  Why not try it this month and see how you feel?  My guess is you will feel more in control…more free.

Recently I read an essay in the Miamian (Winter 2010), which had been reprinted with permission from the New York Times (7/26/09).  The essay was written by Tierionna Morris, a student soon to graduate from Miami University (Ohio).  Tierionna’s essay touched me because she shared how a couple of her professors reached out to her with generosity and care.  They wanted to see her succeed.  This intervention came at a critical time for Tierionna since she was running out of funds to finish college.

After taking Tierionna to dinner one evening, one of the professors handed her $200 and told her, “If you need anything at all just let us know.”  He and the other professor did not want to lose Tierionna; they wanted to see her graduate and fulfill her dream of becoming a teacher.

Tierionna has now successfully completed her student teaching and plans for a career in Chicago teaching in the public schools.  She reflects on how her professors believed in her and envisioned she would “pay everything back to her students.”  It sounds like Tierionna is well on her way to doing that.

Popular Harvard professor and author Tal Ben-Shahar provides a primer on how each of us can incorporate exercises into our daily routine to increase our happiness in his book, Happier: Learn the Secrets to Daily Joy and Lasting Fulfillment . Some of Ben-Shahar’s insights include the following:

• Adjusting your attitude to be more positive

• Building fun, enjoyable activities into your daily routines

• Giving yourself permission to do one thing at a time for a couple of hours each day to become calmer and more focused

• Cherishing time with loved ones - family and friends

• Taking action - taking steps to implement these suggestions will increase your well-being as you move forward

Why not give this approach to life a try…starting today?

Today I was I was reflecting on how much I enjoy my friends - both long-time friends from school and newer friends from more recent life experiences.  My husband, Tom, likes to make new friends as much as he values his friends from his earlier years.  His perspective, which I like, reminds me of a campfire song from long ago: “Make new friends, but keep the old; one is silver and the other gold.”  The song seems to imply the old ones are gold, but that may depend on each person’s perspective.  Whatever your outlook, I encourage you to reach out to people who are or could be your friends.  If you do, I predict that your life will be enriched by those relationships.

I had the pleasure of seeing the film, “Up in the Air,” recently.  I thought the movie was really well made, from the script to the acting to the messages for reflection afterwards.  I found myself thinking about building relationships, losing a job, letting someone go from a job, using a forced job change to begin anew, being honest, showing compassion, having a purpose, making a difference, caring about others.

As many of us celebrate the holiday season in ways that ring true for us, the messages in “Up in the Air” seem relevant and powerful to me.

Dan Buetttner (AARP, Jan. & Feb. 2009) highlights a town in Minnesota that has embraced a lifestyle that promotes longevity.  The nine key factors can be grouped into three categories:

Physical - move around, take time to rest, stop eating before you are full, increase your percent of veggies, drink red wine in moderation (or grape juice);

Emotional - develop a healthy and fun social network, make time for family;

Spiritual - find a purpose that you can pursue with passion, feed your soul in a way that feels right for you.

What if you started to reflect on these areas and factors each week during the new year?  How much better would you feel?  What is stopping you?

Inspired by Randy Pausch’s “Last Lecture” (referenced in my August 19, 2008 blog entry), Debra Glueck has created a website to support people who want to reconnect with their childhood dreams:  www.thedreamingyou.com.  On her mission page, Debra describes “the dreaming you,” that voice inside that knows what you really desire and what is important to you.  I encourage you to check out her site to begin reconnecting with your dreams and what matters most to you.

Thanks to Aisha Sultan of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, who introduced me to “the dreaming you” site on November 8, 2009.

I am getting ready to collaborate on a presentation on how we can take care of ourselves.  As I reflect on this talk, I have developed a list that has worked for me:

1. Taking a walk - My husband and I start most days by walking around our neighborhood.  Our ritual started as a way to burn calories, but we gain as much from the energy and mood lifts that result.

2. Rewarding myself - My reward for walking is the coffee I enjoy after our walk, along with taking time to read the newspaper and solve a crossword puzzle.

3. Eating healthy foods - Over time I have developed a preference for healthy foods (for the most part).  A side benefit is that the meal preparation is often less complicated and time-consuming.

4. Doing what makes me come alive -Looking back on my life I noticed that I have gravitated towards activities that I enjoy and find meaningful.  Time also flies when I am fully engaged.

5. Pursuing my dreams - My parents and husband have been undying supporters of my dreams - whatever they are.  I believe in always dreaming, talking about your dreams, and continuing to move towards them.

6. Thanking those who inspired me - Within the past several years I have had the pleasure of finding and thanking two teachers who challenged and inspired me. Both told me I made their day, but seeing them again and being able to express my gratitude in person made me feel like I was on cloud nine.

7. Laughing - My husband can make me laugh each day.  I also have practiced laughter yoga, which I strongly endorse.  (Contact me to learn more.)

8. Connecting with friends - My closest female college friends and I celebrate each other’s birthdays and take turns hosting an annual holiday dinner.  We are there to lift each other up and celebrate the good times.

9. Reflecting on the positive - A wise yoga guru taught me to end the day by writing about two positive aspects of my day.  Since I have been doing this I find my sleep is more peaceful.

10. Taking time to rest and sleep - Now that I have a less scheduled life, I appreciate my down time.  I even realized that getting up just 15″ later can make a big difference.

What is on your top 10 list?  I’d love to hear from you!

I had the pleasure of attending the Bat Mitzvah of an amazing young woman named Rebecca.  As part of her program she shared a story about an old man who saw a young girl picking up starfish and tossing them out to the sea.  He asked her what she was doing.  She replied that she was rescuing the starfish from the low tide, so they could survive.  The old man pointed out that there were miles of beach and hundreds of starfish, so she could not really make a difference.  The girl listened and then proceeded to toss another starfish into the water.  She smiled at the man and said, “I made a difference for that one.”

This story is a favorite of Rebecca’s family; the original story is by Loren Eisley.

Why is it that some days we come home exhausted and other days (just as long) we come home full of energy? If you become aware of which activities, situations. and people energize you, that insight can help you understand how you feel each day and why. In addition, once you know what (and who) energizes you, you can try to build those experiences into your day. Then, when you start to feel your energy draining, you can take action to mitigate the effect.

One suggestion is to chart your “end of day” energy for one week and reflect on what caused your energy to expand and contract. Once you have some ideas, try the next week to take intentional steps to boost your energy. See what a difference that makes…in just two weeks!