When I was visiting my mother recently, I came across a Mothers’ Day card that I had given her years ago. She had framed it and had it on display in a prominent place. I was glad the message from Shoebox Greetings (Hallmark) had resonated with her. After more reflection I realized that she was sharing this message for both herself and others to see. Reading the message, I discerned that as a mother, I, too, could benefit from reading and acting on the message. Here it is, and thank you, Mom, and Hallmark:
“A mother is someone who dreams great dreams for you, yet accepts the dreams that you decide to follow, and will always love you just the way you are.”
How much of our lives are driven by “shoulds”? I should work more. I should exercise. I shouldn’t be eating this. I should go to this event. I should help out. While the “shoulds” may provide clues to what is good for us, is that always true? What if we took some time to reflect on what is most important to us in our lives right now? What would we focus on in support of those priorities? What could we let go? How would our days and weeks change? How much better would we feel if we were choosing what to do versus feeling locked into a schedule?
For a week, what if every time you were about to say “should,” you substituted “could”? When I make that shift in perspective, I feel lighter and less burdened. What about you?
Since we are two months into the year, I decided to look back to see what progress I have made in my 2012 focus areas. Here are some examples:
Coaching - Completed my application for a new coaching credential and received notification that my application was approved, added new clients, continued to serve current clients, and collected information on ways to continue to grow as a coach.
Wellness - Planned meals with health in mind; enjoyed walking and dancing often with my husband; felt intellectually stimulated by reading, doing puzzles, and enrolling in a class in the fine arts.
Relationships - Connected with friends, former colleagues, and family members; celebrated the life of a cousin who died and who will remain in the hearts of everyone she touched.
Fun & Giving Back -With my husband and other friends, helped teach historic dancing to grade school and high school students; listed to some lovely live music; viewed some excellent films and plays; joined a book club; applied to join the board of a not-for-profit institution.
Recycling - Donated a suit to a wonderful resale shop and some items to a theatre group; continued recycling the usual household items.
Have you revisited your focus areas for 2012? How are you doing? If you’d like help refocusing on what is most important in your life and/or career and you’d like to learn more about my coaching services, please EM me at dayka29@gmail.com. Thank you!
Our younger son recently experienced his second apartment building fire in two years in two difference cities. He was home both times, and he lived through the surprise of smoke, alarms, and evacuation. The second fire was much closer to his apartment than the first, and it will take longer this time for him to feel that his life is back to normal. It is sad to lose one’s home for a time and many possessions, yet there is much that is positive to appreciate. First of all, all people and pets were evacuated safely both times. Secondly, building and renter’s insurance helps out a lot, as well as a landlord who cares. Thirdly, it is wonderful when there is someone close to you to share in the post-emergency problem-solving and decision-making, with family and friends a phone call away.
Dealing with adversity is not fun, but working through it can provide strength to handle future challenges with more confidence. As a parent, I have always felt bad when my sons suffered. However, I took solace knowing that these bumps along the way taught them so much about how to effectively navigate the journey of life.
During this last week of 2011, I am reflecting on my past year’s journey and anticipating the path ahead for me in 2012.
This past year was one of transition both personally and professionally. On a personal level, my younger son began working in a new phase of his career in Chicago and become engaged to be married. (The wedding will be in 2012.) My older son and his wife celebrated their first wedding anniversary; his wife also began a new step in her career - a new position with a better location and schedule. I believe that these two successful job changes resulted from effective goal setting, planning, research, networking, preparation, asking for help, execution, and follow up. I also made a life and career transition this year, letting go of my full-time “day” job at a university to focus on my coaching and other interests on a flexible schedule. My husband, who preceded me in creating a post “full-time employment” life, and I were successful in making our life/career transitions using similar steps to those that our son and daughter-in-law used this past year.
Early in our life together my husband and I set a goal to become independent of full-time employment at a time in our lives when we still had the passion and energy to pursue other dreams. We planned and adjusted our plans along the way. We conducted research as necessary, and we built a network of personal and professional relationships to provide support. Our preparation included all of our experiences and additional education/training, as deemed appropriate. We found people with the expertise to help us develop and execute our plans. Our execution included dedicated work in a variety of settings and the discipline to stay on course. We followed up with key people on important parts of our plan and monitored our progress. All of these steps kept us moving forward and able to handle the bumps that came our way during this journey. I feel we were fortunate that we shared a common goal and values, had the determination to achieve our goal, and had positive people in our lives to encourage us.
In 2012, I look forward to our younger son’s wedding and to further developing my post-employment career and life. Here are some of the areas that I wish to focus on this new year:
- Expanding my coaching and continuing to enhance my skills
- Continuing to focus daily on a healthy diet, exercise, and intellectual stimulation
- Strengthening my personal and professional relationships
- Enjoying fun activities with my husband and independently, activities which include opportunities to give back
- Continuing to challenge our physical possessions and recycle as much as possible
When you reflect on 2011, what stands out for you? What was most meaningful? As you start the new year, what are the areas you’d most like to focus on? Where in your career or life would you most like to make changes? If you’d like some coaching around these areas, please email me for more information at dayka29@gmail.com.
Happy New Year!
For a long time now, I have realized that interest and involvement in sports can teach us a lot of valuable lessons. Our boys have played and followed a variety of sports. Along the way they acquired knowledge of geography and math, as well as lessons in teamwork, leadership and perseverance. Recently I have been mesmerized by our home baseball team, the St. Louis Cardinals, with their end of the season run, their performance in the playoffs, and making it to the World Series. So many thoughts have been going through my mind as I watch amazing plays of all kinds - pitching, catching, throwing, running, and batting. It is impressive to contemplate what these players have accomplished to compete at this level, especially the star players. Maybe the thing I love the most is how the Cards never seem to give up, always looking ahead to the next pitch, inning, game. I hope all of the fans can take that “never say die” attitude away and remember it after the lights go out.
Here are three keys to success summarized from the “seven secrets” that Andy Andrews highlights in his book, The Traveler’s Gift: Seven Decisions that Determine Success, profiled by Kate Uptergrove in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch (9/4/11):
1) Choose your attitude. This includes adopting a blend of positivity and realism. Jobs exist; it just takes more work to secure one in today’s market. In addition, you can decide to find things to be happy about and grateful for; if you do, people will want to be around you. Finally, you can opt to let go of negative feelings about people and situations and adopt a forgiving spirit.
2) Take action! Do something each day to move your forward towards your goals. Part of taking action is reaching out to people you know and would like to know. Most people are happy to help provide information and contacts. As you build relationships, you will also find ways you can help others.
3) Commit with both your head and heart. Think and feel the success you seek. Follow through. Persist. If you fall down, pull yourself back up. Keep at it, and never give up.
My experience has been that these tips work. Why not give them a try?
Author Mitch Album wrote an article in Parade (8/7/11) on “The Joys of Summer,” in which he advocated for free time for children during the summer. He sees a benefit for children to daydream and recharge their batteries before school resumes. Mitch recollects his childhood and values that unscheduled time he had in his youth. I think Mitch has a point. I would add that down time is also helpful for adults. If we are scheduled from dawn to dusk, when can we reflect on what is working in our lives and what is not? When can we dream about our ideal day and those activities and experiences that bring us the most joy? Dreaming can be a first step in creating a new tomorrow.
For many of us the pace of our lives takes us from one project or deadline to the next with little time to reflect or celebrate our accomplishments. Recently, my Women’s Commission colleagues at Saint Louis University recognized me as one of five SLU Women of the Year. What a surprise and validating experience that was! It was especially nice to have some of my family (and my SLU family) present with me.
At the end of May, my siblings and I are honoring our mother for her upcoming 90th birthday. The enthusiastic responses that are coming in from the invitees are a beautiful testimonial to the lives my mother has touched. Theses experiences remind me of the importance of taking time to celebrate the accomplishments and milestones of the special people in our lives…and to acknowledge ourselves for the positive difference we make each day.
There is a scene in “The King’s Speech” in which Prince Albert speaks fluently (rather than stammering, as usual) when distracted by the music of Mozart. That scene made me remember how much music we love can lift our spirits and add joy to the work we are doing…regardless how mundane. When I was growing up, I had a neighbor, Mary. She would sing to add music to her day usually spent taking care of the house for her sister and brother-in-law, who both worked outside the home. As I now recall, Mary was always full of joy and a delight to behold. She would teach her young neighbors simple songs and then sing the harmony that matched our melodies. What a beautiful gift she gave us so many years ago!