Our younger son recently experienced his second apartment building fire in two years in two difference cities. He was home both times, and he lived through the surprise of smoke, alarms, and evacuation. The second fire was much closer to his apartment than the first, and it will take longer this time for him to feel that his life is back to normal. It is sad to lose one’s home for a time and many possessions, yet there is much that is positive to appreciate. First of all, all people and pets were evacuated safely both times. Secondly, building and renter’s insurance helps out a lot, as well as a landlord who cares. Thirdly, it is wonderful when there is someone close to you to share in the post-emergency problem-solving and decision-making, with family and friends a phone call away.
Dealing with adversity is not fun, but working through it can provide strength to handle future challenges with more confidence. As a parent, I have always felt bad when my sons suffered. However, I took solace knowing that these bumps along the way taught them so much about how to effectively navigate the journey of life.
During this last week of 2011, I am reflecting on my past year’s journey and anticipating the path ahead for me in 2012.
This past year was one of transition both personally and professionally. On a personal level, my younger son began working in a new phase of his career in Chicago and become engaged to be married. (The wedding will be in 2012.) My older son and his wife celebrated their first wedding anniversary; his wife also began a new step in her career - a new position with a better location and schedule. I believe that these two successful job changes resulted from effective goal setting, planning, research, networking, preparation, asking for help, execution, and follow up. I also made a life and career transition this year, letting go of my full-time “day” job at a university to focus on my coaching and other interests on a flexible schedule. My husband, who preceded me in creating a post “full-time employment” life, and I were successful in making our life/career transitions using similar steps to those that our son and daughter-in-law used this past year.
Early in our life together my husband and I set a goal to become independent of full-time employment at a time in our lives when we still had the passion and energy to pursue other dreams. We planned and adjusted our plans along the way. We conducted research as necessary, and we built a network of personal and professional relationships to provide support. Our preparation included all of our experiences and additional education/training, as deemed appropriate. We found people with the expertise to help us develop and execute our plans. Our execution included dedicated work in a variety of settings and the discipline to stay on course. We followed up with key people on important parts of our plan and monitored our progress. All of these steps kept us moving forward and able to handle the bumps that came our way during this journey. I feel we were fortunate that we shared a common goal and values, had the determination to achieve our goal, and had positive people in our lives to encourage us.
In 2012, I look forward to our younger son’s wedding and to further developing my post-employment career and life. Here are some of the areas that I wish to focus on this new year:
- Expanding my coaching and continuing to enhance my skills
- Continuing to focus daily on a healthy diet, exercise, and intellectual stimulation
- Strengthening my personal and professional relationships
- Enjoying fun activities with my husband and independently, activities which include opportunities to give back
- Continuing to challenge our physical possessions and recycle as much as possible
When you reflect on 2011, what stands out for you? What was most meaningful? As you start the new year, what are the areas you’d most like to focus on? Where in your career or life would you most like to make changes? If you’d like some coaching around these areas, please email me for more information at dayka29@gmail.com.
Happy New Year!
For a long time now, I have realized that interest and involvement in sports can teach us a lot of valuable lessons. Our boys have played and followed a variety of sports. Along the way they acquired knowledge of geography and math, as well as lessons in teamwork, leadership and perseverance. Recently I have been mesmerized by our home baseball team, the St. Louis Cardinals, with their end of the season run, their performance in the playoffs, and making it to the World Series. So many thoughts have been going through my mind as I watch amazing plays of all kinds - pitching, catching, throwing, running, and batting. It is impressive to contemplate what these players have accomplished to compete at this level, especially the star players. Maybe the thing I love the most is how the Cards never seem to give up, always looking ahead to the next pitch, inning, game. I hope all of the fans can take that “never say die” attitude away and remember it after the lights go out.
Here are three keys to success summarized from the “seven secrets” that Andy Andrews highlights in his book, The Traveler’s Gift: Seven Decisions that Determine Success, profiled by Kate Uptergrove in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch (9/4/11):
1) Choose your attitude. This includes adopting a blend of positivity and realism. Jobs exist; it just takes more work to secure one in today’s market. In addition, you can decide to find things to be happy about and grateful for; if you do, people will want to be around you. Finally, you can opt to let go of negative feelings about people and situations and adopt a forgiving spirit.
2) Take action! Do something each day to move your forward towards your goals. Part of taking action is reaching out to people you know and would like to know. Most people are happy to help provide information and contacts. As you build relationships, you will also find ways you can help others.
3) Commit with both your head and heart. Think and feel the success you seek. Follow through. Persist. If you fall down, pull yourself back up. Keep at it, and never give up.
My experience has been that these tips work. Why not give them a try?
Author Mitch Album wrote an article in Parade (8/7/11) on “The Joys of Summer,” in which he advocated for free time for children during the summer. He sees a benefit for children to daydream and recharge their batteries before school resumes. Mitch recollects his childhood and values that unscheduled time he had in his youth. I think Mitch has a point. I would add that down time is also helpful for adults. If we are scheduled from dawn to dusk, when can we reflect on what is working in our lives and what is not? When can we dream about our ideal day and those activities and experiences that bring us the most joy? Dreaming can be a first step in creating a new tomorrow.
For many of us the pace of our lives takes us from one project or deadline to the next with little time to reflect or celebrate our accomplishments. Recently, my Women’s Commission colleagues at Saint Louis University recognized me as one of five SLU Women of the Year. What a surprise and validating experience that was! It was especially nice to have some of my family (and my SLU family) present with me.
At the end of May, my siblings and I are honoring our mother for her upcoming 90th birthday. The enthusiastic responses that are coming in from the invitees are a beautiful testimonial to the lives my mother has touched. Theses experiences remind me of the importance of taking time to celebrate the accomplishments and milestones of the special people in our lives…and to acknowledge ourselves for the positive difference we make each day.
There is a scene in “The King’s Speech” in which Prince Albert speaks fluently (rather than stammering, as usual) when distracted by the music of Mozart. That scene made me remember how much music we love can lift our spirits and add joy to the work we are doing…regardless how mundane. When I was growing up, I had a neighbor, Mary. She would sing to add music to her day usually spent taking care of the house for her sister and brother-in-law, who both worked outside the home. As I now recall, Mary was always full of joy and a delight to behold. She would teach her young neighbors simple songs and then sing the harmony that matched our melodies. What a beautiful gift she gave us so many years ago!
On the eve of the first day of 2011, I find myself wanting to look forward to this next year with a nod to 2010. So, first the nod to this past year. One thing that strikes me about 2010 is that three major family events happened, which took a lot of hard work and which I believe will bring sustained happiness to our family:
- our kitchen renovation with help from dear friends and able contractors; we enjoy it every day
- our younger son’s relocation to Chicago (much closer to St. Louis and family) and a new job starting January 3rd
- our older son’s marriage celebration and the official addition of his bride to our family
All of these events required discernment, vision, goal setting, planning, research, field work, communication, relationship building, problem solving, adaptability, flexibility, and a sense of humor. These events were enhanced by a willingness to trust the people and the process, along with appreciation for the many special moments along the way.
Looking forward to 2011, I want to remember what it took for our family to accomplish these major events and to appreciate that “a journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step.” (Confucius) Happy New Year and please let me know if you need help taking that first step.
Here is what I am thankful for:
T - Tom, my loving and witty husband of over 35 years
H - Health - staying fit and strong
A - Appreciation of myself and others
N - Nana, a name for my mother and role model, Mary Virginia
K - Kids - my boys, Tim and Paul, whom I love and enjoy…and the girls they love
S - Sisters and brothers - my siblings, whom I care about very much
G - Girls who are my friends (and boys, too) - my special friends who love and sustain me
I - Interests old and new; a new favorite is English Country Dancing
V - Vocation - my calling to help individuals and organizations find their paths to success…as they define it
I - Inspiration to grow and pursue coaching
N - New opportunities to use my coaching skills
G - Gratitude to appreciate the blessings in my life
Last week I had multiple conversations that brought to light the importance of feeling powerful, effective, and resilient at work. One conversation was about executive coaching and the importance of coaching leaders to enhanced levels of power, effectiveness, and resilience for themselves and those they lead. Later in the week, I was visiting with a military officer who was sharing her story about leading a group of young soldiers in a new area and how she created an environment of trust in herself and among the team members. It was clear that she saw mutual trust as key to her and her team feeling powerful, effective and resilient. She said to her soldiers, “I believe in you. If you believe in me, we can be successful.” In Iraq, trust was a key to exceeding their goals and the safety of her team. I encourage you to reflect: How you can enhance your power, effectiveness, and resilience at work? What is one thing you can do this week, starting today?